I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Text me some of your sweat
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
