let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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