My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
