Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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