if you like me you must not know who I am
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
