Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
