I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
