were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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