How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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