so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
