I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
