I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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