its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
