It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
