be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize