is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize