you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
