i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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