Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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