Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize