I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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