I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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