Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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