Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
