I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
