Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
