Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
