It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's shark week go big or go home
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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