I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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