My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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