I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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