I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
