mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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