Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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