just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
