Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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