she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
