all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
the liver wants what the liver wants
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
