He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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