So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
