just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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