question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
