She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize