ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
