You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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