Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
