girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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