Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The cops high fived after they tackled you
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
