Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
