if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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