so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Found the puke drawer
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize