At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
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