apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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