he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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