can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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