the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
