you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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