Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
