awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
