Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
