it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
