Hey man sorry I got all grabby
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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