I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
