Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
