was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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