I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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