A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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