Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My penis needs a shock collar
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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