It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
