I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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