I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
