Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
