my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
