i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
